


You Are Now a Part of Me, and I Have Become You

by FriendsandSpecialPets



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Body Horror, Dubious Medical Procedures, Kylux 33 Days of Guro Challenge, M/M, Medical Horror, Mentions of Major Character Death, Mutilation, The major character death would have probably been a happier ending, There's also blood, and needles, please mind the tags, this is not a fun time, this is not a happy ending, this is not a happy story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 22:46:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7593205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FriendsandSpecialPets/pseuds/FriendsandSpecialPets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylux 33 days of Guro Challenge Day 11: conjoined bodies.</p>
<p>There's a solution to every problem. General Hux's injuries are a problem, and Kylo might have a solution.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Are Now a Part of Me, and I Have Become You

**Author's Note:**

> I'm way too invested in the terrible things these two can do to each other, and something about the prompt 'conjoined bodies' spoke to me. The title is from the vocaloid song 'Your Heart and I Becoming One' which I listened to the entire time I was writing this.

1.

The voices have been whispering in the back of his head for as long as he can remember. Somedays they are shouting, clamoring for attention, screaming and groaning until they’re almost all he can hear. Other days they’re quieter, a white noise in the back of his consciousness. 

Sometimes one voice speaks louder than the others. Sometimes they speak in foreign languages Kylo has never heard before, languages he suspects that even the most well-traveled man wouldn’t be able to place. Sometimes they speak directly to him, and he understands them.

Those times can be terrifying.

If he meditates, he can block them out. Kylo has never told the Supreme Leader about what he hears, but he suspects on some level Snoke already knows. One of the first things he ever taught Kylo was how to quiet his mind and silence the voices.

It’s only ever temporary, though.

They always come back.

 

2.

The General has eyes ‘like flashing knives’. His back is as straight ‘as a steel rod’. Those are not Kylo’s words; they were provided to him by the louder voices.

‘That man,’ they whisper, ‘looks like trouble.’

Kylo has never been able to stay away from danger.

 

3.

Hux’s lips are chapped. His skin is cold, but everything is cold here. 

“If this is a game-,” he starts, pulling away from the kiss with hard eyes. “You will not live to repeat the story. Supreme Leader’s orders be damned.”

Kylo shakes his head. He’s aware, suddenly, that he’s trembling. He reaches his hands out slowly, gently, as if to a frightened animal. Hux lets them settle on either side of his waist. He studies Kylo’s face intently. A looks of surprise dances briefly across his face.

“Your eyes-,” he begins, and Kylo freezes. Then Hux shakes his head. “Never mind.”

Kylo chooses to forget that moment.

 

4.

‘He has a trail of blood following him,’ the voices observe.

‘That man was born for tragedy.’

‘Some things are not built to last.’

Kylo curls up tightly around the General’s body and tries, with little success, to block them out.

 

5.

That night, he discovers the blissful silence that comes from hiding in the General’s mind.

 

6\. 

Hux is dying. 

The blaster shot hit too many vital organs. He lost too much blood. The doctors have tried their best, laboring through the night, but Kylo knows without having to be told that their labors are in vain.

Hux is going to die.

 

7.

“Ren.”

Kylo looks up from the twitching mass of the battle droid in surprise. Hux has never visited Kylo’s private training gym.

“Yes?”

“Are you alright?” 

To an onlooker, Hux would look largely impassive. But Kylo has memorized his face, has memorized every expression he’s ever seen on those features. He recognizes the concern tugging the corners of his mouth down and playing around his eyes.

“I’m fine,” Kylo says quickly. “Why?”

The voices are screaming and shouting so loudly he almost misses Hux’s response.

“You’re shaking,” he points out.

Kylo looks down. It’s true - his hands are shaking visibly.

“Are you sick?” Hux asks again, and Kylo feels such a rush of intense, improbable affection that it almost chokes him. Hux has sought him out, coming looking for Kylo when he hadn’t seen him all day. This cold man is the only one who cares about his well-being. This man is the only one who sees him, the only one who wants to see him. Kylo can’t remember the last time he felt cared for before this man walked into his life.

“Why don’t you come to bed?” Hux offers, voice slightly quieter. Kylo catches the way he nearly hunches in on himself before he catches the action, as if he’s self-conscious. As if waiting for a rejection. The idea is so ludicrous that Kylo would laugh if he wasn’t so damn tired. 

But instead he nods, turns off his lightsaber and hooks it to his belt, and follows Hux back to his quarters.

Later, as he lays in Hux’s narrow bed with Hux’s long, careful hands smoothing the hair back from his face tenderly, he thinks that he will never again meet another man like this. There is no one in the universe like Hux.

Kylo loves him with such intensity he almost can’t bear it.

 

8.

Hux is dying. The blaster shot hit too many vital organs, he’s lost too much blood. His face is pale and the bacta tank isn’t helping. 

Kylo wants to scream. He wants to slam his fist into the glass of the tank until it breaks. Instead, he presses his palm gently right above the bloody spot on Hux’s bandages. 

He can’t die. I can’t be without him. He can’t die.

 

9.

Drawing blueprints helps Hux calm down. Kylo learned this on his second night spent in Hux’s chambers. He thinks that on some level, he understands what it is about the clean lines spreading across a large piece of paper that puts Hux’s mind at ease. There’s safety in the controlled motion of Hux’s arms.

Kylo perches his chin on his knees and watches. Hux seems like a different person - younger, softer. There’s a slight furrow in his brow that he would never allow to show on his face under normal circumstances. Kylo aches for him. He longs to reach out and lift the burden away from this man the way he’s lifted some of Kylo’s burden from him.

One of the voices spits something harsh in a foreign language. Kylo draws a breath, trying to keep quiet, but Hux must sense his sudden discomfort. He looks up from his blueprint and makes eye contact. Kylo tries to relax, but it’s too late.

“Are you alright?” Hux asks quietly.

“I’m fine,” Kylo lies.

‘There’s no point in lying. That man can read you like no one else can. Besides, there’s no harm in opening yourself up to someone who’s going to die.’

Kylo grits his teeth hard. He flinches when he feels something settle on his forearm, but relaxes when he realizes it’s just Hux’s arm.

“I’ll have some tea brought here,” Hux offers.

Kylo wants to thank him, but he’s afraid of how his voice might waver if he speaks. He ducks his head silently instead.

 

10.

‘Love is inevitable.’

‘Love is unavoidable.’

‘Love is born from mortality.’

‘Love is accompanied by death.’

‘Everything faces death eventually. Some things just put it off longer than others.’

‘Nothing really lasts well after death. Nothing you’d want, anyways.’ 

 

11.

Kylo thinks, sometimes, about looking down the barrel of his lightsaber and turning it on. Thinks about being impaled through the head. That’s the only thing he can think of that will shut the voices up permanently.

 

12.

Hux is dying. The blaster shot damaged too much, he lost too much blood. He’s floating in a bacta tank and he won’t last the night.

‘There is a solution to every problem. Your problem is that you give up too easily.’

Kylo leans his head against the glass. He wishes he was the one who would be dead in a few hours.

 

13\. 

Sometimes Kylo’s dreams terrify him.

They always seem to come from a place outside of him, like some kind of terrible holovid playing inescapably in his brain. He feels pain and fear and longs to alone like he’s never longed for anything else in his life. The voices surround him, physical things now that his eyes are closed, shadows and walls, cold and hard and slithering and creeping.

They whisper to him, sometimes. They tell him secrets, terrible secrets Kylo wishes he could burn out of his mind.

‘There is a solution to every problem. You just have to be willing to find it.’

 

14.

Hux is dying. The blaster shot hit too many vital organs. He lost too much blood.

Hux is dying. The blaster shot hit too many vital organs, he’s lost too much blood.  
Hux is dying. The shot damaged too much; he lost too much blood.

The room around them is destroyed. Kylo hardly remembers tearing it apart, hardly remembers flinging the bloody instruments at the med droids until they retreated. The lights overhead flicker - he’s causing it, but he doesn’t have the energy to stop it. The force runs wild and terrifying through him. He struggles to catch his breath. Hux’s eyes are closed and his face is pale.

Hux is going to die.

‘Silly boy,’ says one voice. The loudest of them all, and somehow the most human. Kylo freezes. ‘He’s not going to die. There’s a solution for every problem. You just have to be willing to find it.’

He catches a glimpse of his own face in the glare of the glass tank. His eyes are wild and dark, darker than he’s ever seen them in the mirror.

‘How far are you willing to go?’

 

15.

‘Everything dies except us. There are things that never fully deteriorate. They just… change. And you’ll understand that one day. You’ll become like us, someday. And then everything will make sense.’

‘We are the exception to death. It can change us, but never take us.’

 

16.

The needles hurt. There’s blood on the floor in huge puddles. Hux still hasn’t woken up - his face is pale and drawn, but he’s unmistakably alive. Kylo can feel him like one of his limbs. It fills him with elation.

Hux was dying. The blaster shot hit too many vital organs; he’d lost too much blood. But Kylo, Kylo is full of healthy organs and healthy blood. And he would never deny Hux anything that he needed.

He can sense Hux start to wake up, like swimming through a pool of water and finally breaking the surface. Kylo turns his head the few inches to study Hux’s face. He can’t keep himself from smiling.

“Ky...lo…”

“I’m right here,” he replies. “I’m right here, Hux.”

I will always be right here. I will never leave you. We’ll be together forever.

‘We are the exception to death.’

Hux opens his eyes blearily. They flicker around the room while he takes everything in and freeze when they see the stitches.

“Ky… lo?” he repeats again, uncertainly this time.

“Yes,” says Kylo, tilting his head just close enough to nuzzle Hux’s hair. Hearing Hux say his name fills him with elation. “It’s me.”

“Oh gods,” Hux groans. He shifts, tugging on the stitches. His body is mostly numb - Kylo made sure to keep him drugged for the process. He didn’t dare sedate himself - couldn’t afford to make any mistakes. Blood blooms at the edges of their - no, Kylo thinks, our body - and drips onto the floor. The table they’re on is barely big enough to hold them, even with both their left arms discarded on the floor next to them.

“Kylo,” says Hux sharply, hysterically. His heart rate is picking up, and the fact that Kylo can feel that now makes him feel safer than he can ever remember feeling in his entire life. “What happened?”

Kylo grins into Hux’s sharp cheekbones.

Hux isn’t going to die. Kylo is young and healthy and his body can support both of them.

They’re going to be together forever.


End file.
